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CASE STUDY 1 – Debbie
 I was in a café, shaking, lonely and sweating profusely. I needed a fix! I picked up a magazine and came across an advertisement for Drugsline’s Support and Crisis Line. But I didn’t ring it. I couldn’t accept I was a junkie.
I went further downhill. I was living in a one-roomed, dirty bedsit where men visited me so that I could scrape a living and afford my drugs. My life was going nowhere. My body was in ruins.
In despair I finally called Drugsline. I was scared and in tears but a friendly voice calmed me and assured me I was not alone. I desperately needed their help and advice, though it took time for me to accept what I was being told! After that my counsellor stuck by me all the time and was still there for me when I went into a treatment centre.
Without Drugsline’s help I couldn’t have done it. Even though the disease of addiction is with me for life I am growing stronger day by day and making real friends. Now I face up to my problems rather than using drugs to forget my pain.
Debbie, aged 20.
 CASE STUDY 2 – Inadequacy, Fear and Dependency
Deep down I was miserable. I lacked confidence and often my thoughts gave way to despair. Feelings of anger, jealousy and depression – the buried resentments of an unhappy upbringing – welled up inside me. But above all there was fear.
I masked all of this by playing the macho man. I desperately needed to be accepted. At times my inadequacies and fears were so immense that I became almost suicidal.
Then I got lucky and discovered drink and drugs. They gave my life a whole new meaning. They changed the way I felt inside. When I felt fear, a stiff drink would fix it. When I felt inadequate, a joint would calm me down and boost my confidence.
Of course, it didn’t last. All my despairs, frustrations and fears came flooding back, intensified many times over. But now there were other feelings too. Shame, self-loathing, damaged pride and the dreaded feelings of guilt. Dependency hadn’t worked. It was a living hell.
After 10 years of addiction I had reached the gutter. But this time fear saved me – the sheer fear of death.
My road to recovery wasn’t easy. It began with Twelve Step meetings at AA and NA. Then I met a counsellor who accepted me for what I was and gradually won my friendship and trust, helping me to accept my feelings and understand them. My recovery from addiction has been tough but through the work of Drugsline, now my greatest reward is being able to help others to set out on the same journey from dependency to recovery – free from drugs and drink, and free from the inner fears they produce.
A Drugsline counsellor’s account of his own experiences and how he now helps fellow sufferers.
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